Welland ON — After spending the morning picking out the perfect fall outfit consisting of a wool toque and Lululemons, local Starbucks aficionado Tiffany was gutted when she was told that their location was temporarily out of pumpkin spice flavouring.
“A lot of people like the apple oat latte,” the barista told her.
Tiffany was not having any of it. The magic of fall is in the pumpkins, not in apples, and certainly not in oats. She needed a pumpkin spice latte to complete her ensemble. Many people believe that the Starbucks cup itself is what sets the mood, but really it’s the pumpkin spice.
As she walked out she could feel the beautiful colour seeping away from her face and was becoming pale as a ghost. The bags under her eyes were darkening and dark mascara started dripping down her face. She had the sudden urge to download some My Chemical Romance onto her Spotify.
She needed this to stop. The only thing that could temporarily stop her transformation into a goth was to get to a farm and buy hay bales and corn stalks for selfies. That should buy her enough time to get her to the next Starbucks delivery.
“Well if you wanted honesty that’s all you had to saaaaay!” she could be heard singing/crying from her car as she sped off to the nearest farm. She’s not okay now but she will be.