1. Vaughan Couple Fined $615 For Feeding Squirrels In Their Backyard – “Isn’t that nuts?” asked the squirrels.
2. Athletes Battle Extreme Heat In The Hottest Olympic Games Yet– The Norwegian men’s beach volleyball team has decided to stand in solidarity with the women by wearing bikini bottoms instead of shorts.
3. TTC Disinfects Its Buses Frequently To Fight COVID-19 – At least that’s what they’re going to tell the guy in a dirty tank top that smells like BO as they spray him with a squirt bottle.
4. Microsoft To Require U.S. Employees To Be Fully Vaccinated – They didn’t use those words exactly but they did tell them to get the latest security update for their bodies.
5. Matt Damon Says He Retired ‘the F-Slur’ ‘Months’ Ago – It was such a different time back in February 2021
6. ‘We Never Want To Lose To Canada,’ Says Rapinoe After Loss To Canada – As The Rolling Stones once said, ‘You can’t always get what you don’t not never want’
7. Andrew Cuomo Shares Bizzare Kissing Montage In Wake of Sexual Harassment Report – It was the most cringeworthy video by a Cuomo since 9 PM the night before on CNN
8. Doug Ford’s Daughter Uses Social Media To Spread Misinformation About Covid-19 Vaccines – Her Dad still prefers doing it the old-fashioned way through press conferences.
9. Canada’s Health System Ranked Second Last Among 11 Countries– But it’s not all bad news, our 200-meter sprinters are #1
10. Three Injured After ‘Iceberg’ at Titanic Museum Collapses – None of the injuries are reported to be women or children