Toronto ON — Not since the waffle breakfast sandwich have we seen such creativity from Tim Horton’s. On Monday they unveiled their latest innovation, letting coffee sit for 16 hours, adding some ice and calling it Cold Brew. The company who prides itself on not having hot coffee sit for more than 20 minutes has found a way to let it sit for 16 hours and have you believe it has aged like wine.
We should be clear on one thing, this is not disgusting old coffee like we may have let on, this is steeped coffee. Steeped is a word that means old but without all the negative connotations of food sitting out overnight. It has a regal feel to it when you say that it’s steeped. Nobody would drink it if we said it’s day-old coffee, bathing in its own filth for hours upon hours.
This just may be a precursor to the next big thing at Tim Horton’s. What about gracefully aged Timbits that have time-infused hardness giving them the perfect crunch. There would be no need to throw them away at the end of the night. Another idea would be introducing the Wise Farmer’s Wrap which consists of aged, nearly-retired hashbrown that has spent the day soaking up wisdom. The options are endless really and we know one thing for sure and that’s if you add some regal words to anything and hike up the price, people will love it. Adding a vanilla option will also help hide the fact that it’s well on its way to having green shit floating on top.