Ottawa ON — A spritz of Pfizer, A dash of AstraZeneca, and a dollop of frog blood is the latest concoction that local witch Zeta-Zeta Topsy is testing out. She along with her counterparts have been tasked by the Ontario government to come up with the perfect combination of vaccines that would prevent them from having to follow the proper doses and intervals. Pfizer recommends 21 days between doses but Ontario really feels that they can stretch it out over several years. No scientist thinks it’s possible which is why they are turning to witches.
“I don’t think of it as creating a convenient vaccine, I look at it as making a magic potion,” Zeta-Zeta told us. “I just enjoy what I do and I have saved up a lot of ingredients during the lockdown.”
Right now the big mystery is can you mix and match doses? Their task is to find out just that. If Ontario can find some useful combination that buys them more time to hide the fact that they completely bungled the vaccine distribution then the witches will have been well worth their time. Ideally, Ontario would like to take all the vaccines they receive and combine them in one pot, then give everyone person one dose. The witches can tell you from their early brews that that simply does not work.
“We will keep at it, I just found some ground cloves that may be useful,” Zeta-Zeta told us as she stirred the pot.”